Specialist Psychologist Tuğçe Yılmaz gave important information about the subject. As parents, we can make false statements from time to time while raising our child. These statements sometimes cause us to impose on our children the worries, fears or unnecessary responsibilities they will carry throughout their lives. It can come to the point where it will disrupt the relationship between us and our children. That is why it is very important that we choose our sentences correctly when talking to our children.
Children who grow up with labels such as spoiled, headstrong, stubborn…after a while, they accept them into their bodies. They begin to act in accordance with these adjectives you have given them.
”SISTER / SISTER ARE NOT FEAR”
Sometimes we should think that this sentence we use with the intention of encouraging our children will create the perception that we underestimate our children's feelings. A scared child wants to be understood. Here, instead of encouraging him with such sentences, it is necessary to find the underlying emotion of the fear and work on it.
"I'M GOING TO LEAVE YOU"
Such conversations can cause separation anxiety in children. A child with separation anxiety becomes more dependent on the mother. It also brings problems such as difficulty falling asleep and not being able to go to school.
”DO NOT GO AGAINST YOUR ELDERS, BE RESPECT FOR WHATEVER IT HAPPENS”
It is very important to instill in children the sense that respect should be mutual, not one-sided. Although we live in a society where culturally elders must be respected unconditionally, the idea that respect should be mutual, that children are also individuals to be respected and that they have certain rights should be instilled in children.
”I AM TOO BUSY NOW, GO OVER”
This sentence can make the child feel worthless. Children need the attention of adults. Of course, it is not always possible for us to be available and take care of them, but it would be more accurate to say, 'I want to spend time with you too, but I have a job right now, I will take care of you after I get my work done'.
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT OR YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING"
Both of these terms are incorrect terms. It is the right behavior to teach children to persevere, work and persevere. Focusing on the process and appreciating their hard work helps them realize the importance of working personally.
"DON'T SAY I'M SICK IF YOU UPLOAD ME"
It serves no purpose other than to burden your children with anxiety. In case of your illness, he sees all the blame on himself. The child who internalizes this blames himself, which may emerge as psychological problems in the future.
"WHY ARE YOU NOT LIKE HER"
Comparing children with other peers activates the child's feelings of jealousy. A child who is constantly compared avoids taking responsibility. May have difficulties in social relationships. They may feel inadequate and worthless. He may get the idea that his efforts are not being seen and stop trying. He may become withdrawn, thinking that he is not understood.