Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin points out the importance of couples fulfilling their responsibilities in marriage and states that marriage is sharing a life. Öztekin states that serious problems will arise if a person who does not take any responsibility before marriage continues to do so after marriage, and draws attention to the fact that sometimes both parties fail to fulfill their responsibilities due to passive aggression and ego wars.
Üsküdar University NPİSTANBUL Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin pointed out the importance of couples knowing and fulfilling their responsibilities in marriage.
Marriage is to be us
Noting that marriage is about sharing a life together, Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin said, “This sharing is not just sharing the same house or physical sharing, but also includes mutual respect and love on the basis of trust. Marriage is when two different individuals can be us. The basic condition of being us is to make your spouse feel that you value them.” said.
There can be spouses who do not take responsibility
Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin stated that after the marriage is established on these foundations, there is a need for effort and struggle to maintain the marriage, and this can only be possible if the spouses take responsibility and fulfill these responsibilities. gave an example:
“My husband has a job, he is healthy, but he has not been looking for a job for two years. We're trying to get by on my salary.
I am working, my wife is a housewife. I'm coming home. No food, no cleaning, laundry piled up. He is with his family all day. If I can't have dinner with my wife at home, if I can't have a family life, why did I get married?
I take care of my children at home. I do the housework. My wife's work ends at 18.00:23.00, but her arrival at home is at XNUMX:XNUMX at night. Children fall asleep without seeing their father. When asked, 'We met with my friends, can't I meet with my old friends?' she gets angry at me.
My wife is coming from work. He doesn't care about me or the kids. He says 'I'm tired, don't talk to me', the children want to spend time with their father, my wife says she has a job and spends hours on her cell phone.
My husband takes no responsibilities at home. If the faucet fails, the bulb doesn't care if it blows. From hotel reservations for the holidays to kids' school reunions, I take care of it. If they ask what grade your child is going to, he will ask me how much was he going to. At the time, his family did not give any responsibility either.”
If no responsibility was given before marriage…
Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin noted that if there are parties who do not take sufficient responsibility in marriages, this may be due to two reasons. The individual, whose family meets all his needs, expects his wife to behave like his family when he gets married. So he expects everything from his wife. Although he starts to take responsibility with his wife's compulsions, it becomes very difficult to maintain a healthy marriage here. In this case, his wife will either accept this situation or there will be a process leading to divorce.” said.
Guidance is given to take responsibility
Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin said that in marriage therapies where such problems are experienced, they are trying to make a change by informing, directing, homework and following them. Öztekin said, “If the individual who does not take responsibility does not resist and is willing to change, very good progress can be made in the marriage relationship.” used the phrase.
Passive aggression and ego wars can lead to lack of responsibility.
Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin emphasized that another reason for not taking responsibility is that due to many problems experienced in marriage, one or both of the parties do not take the responsibilities they previously took, “Here we can talk about passive aggression. The opposite side has started to take an open attitude. Ego wars, efforts to justify, trying to upset and wear out especially the issues that the spouse is sensitive to, trying to use sexuality as a punishment tool, not doing the things that he used to do at home, such as cooking and ironing, coming home late or not, not talking for weeks while at home , financial constraints, cutting off contact with family. We can multiply these examples.” he said.
Both parties must step up to their responsibilities
Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin said that such problems come to the fore in marital therapy rather than the results, but the reasons that disrupt the marital relationship. Specialist Clinical Psychologist İhsan Öztekin stated that both sides should take steps to solve the problems and concluded his speech as follows:
“The glass is full and overflowing. On the one hand, while trying to solve current problems, on the other hand, it is necessary to reveal and solve the reasons from the past that caused the glass to overflow, so that the glass does not overflow again. In the solution part, it is important for the spouses to have the same thought in the continuation part of the marriage and to take their own responsibilities to solve the problems and take steps in this regard. As experts, we can witness many times that marriages that do not seem to be resolved when they come to marriage therapy can continue to continue in a healthy way.”
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