Specialist Clinical Psychologist Müjde Yahşi gave important information about the subject. Lovelessness is one of the biggest problems of society. Where there is crime, violence, abuse, illness or divorce, there are definitely seeds of lovelessness.
Lovelessness is more damaging to families, the smallest unit of society. Because the seeds of lovelessness are first sown in the family.
The family should be the place where the child feels safe. An insecure child feeds on seeds of lovelessness.
Shouting, insulting and showing violence to the child, comparing him with others and even humiliating him; Not kissing him, not hugging him enough, not saying nice words and not taking time are also examples of the seeds of lovelessness.
Every healthy parent undoubtedly loves their child and tries to meet their child's needs and care as much as they can, but most of the time they may overlook their child's spiritual needs.
The main source of spiritual need is trust. The emotion that feeds on the feeling of trust is love. Channels of love; touching (physical contact), kind words and behaviors that nourish the soul (feeling of worth), showing interest (spending time) and showing respect. (acceptance)
Well; A parent who says, “I can't spare much time for my child, I pressure him to study, sometimes punish him for his mistakes, sometimes I slap him a couple of times, but I love my child very much because I don't eat, I don't wear, I don't wear, I get whatever he wants” will only meet the physical needs of his child.
Let's come to the adult life of the child who grew up without love...
Adults who grow up without love are mostly; He makes his wife and children feel unloved, and may reflect the negative emotions he experienced in his childhood to them in different ways, causing constant tension at home.
Usually these spouses; avoids hugging his wife, is ashamed to say nice words to him, has difficulty in showing behaviors that make his wife feel valued, cannot be in harmony with his wife, that is, he can neither go to bed together at the same time, neither sit at the table together, nor spare private time for his wife, nor kneel to eyes with his wife. pleasant sohbet Can.
The married life of these adults who grew up without love always revolves around bickering, arguments and fights. After a while, he may see his wife, whom he married lovingly, as inadequate and constantly belittle her. He can also accuse his wife of being incompetent. In fact, it is he who is incompetent or incompetent. Because what pushes him to this thought is actually the unconscious conflict with his self. The trust-based love that he could not get enough from his parents in time and the childhood he could not live cause conflict with himself. For this reason, the adult may either show physical/psychological violence to his family, neglect his children, or have to decide to divorce his wife due to his own psychopathology.
Unfortunately, this person can make his home, which should be a garden of paradise, hell for himself and his family. Because he may have difficulty in showing his wife and children the love he could not see in time. The home that must be fed with love; It can feed on tears, sadness, and unhappiness.
If you are married to such a person, know that; Your spouse is not fighting with you. All he cares about is himself. With a loveless past. Make him feel the trust he couldn't get with your love. Relive your childhood from where you left it. Hug your spouse and never punish yourself with lovelessness by walking away. Do not forget that; It is the spouse who treats a spouse or makes them sick.