Don't Compare Your Children With Each Other To Avoid Sibling Rivalry

Siblings may quarrel from time to time, and there may be crises of jealousy between them. Saying that although this situation disturbs the parents, it is actually a very normal and healthy situation, one of the experts of DoktorTakvimi.com, Psk. From. Hava Arıtan underlines that this competition will determine the future lifestyle of children.

Having a sibling is very important and valuable. However, this does not change the fact that there is rivalry between siblings. Stating that sibling rivalry is a situation of jealousy, race and fights between siblings, Psk, one of the experts of DoktorTakvimi.com. From. Hava Arıtan draws attention to the fact that what is envied is not siblings but sharing of parents' attention and time. The rivalry between siblings can change shape depending on whether they are older children, middle children or younger children. The older child is always the first eye pain in the house. Couples who learn to be parents with the older child can always show favor to the first child. Explaining that the older child has the titles of the best-knowing, hardworking, successful child, Psk. From. For this reason, Arıtan states that he is the first child to receive the largest share of attention.

“With the birth of the second child, the throne of the eldest child is shaken,” said Psk. From. Arıtan continues: “When his brother, who has a rival with whom the family has to share his attention and love, is born, the older child is confused about what to do. Therefore, he can conclude that power is an important thing. The second child has to share the attention with his sibling from the day he is born. That's why he feels like he's in a race. He constantly trains himself to beat his opponent, the first child. In this, he tries to be successful in the subjects where the first child fails so that he can win the attention and praise of the family. However, if the first child is very good, the second child can give up the race. This can make him a daredevil. Usually the second child has the opposite characteristics of the first child.”

Middle children may feel crushed in between

The youngest child is always the baby in the family and therefore the most pampered. Stating that his youngest child tends to go his own way because his siblings are more advanced than him, one of the experts at DoktorTakvimi.com, Psk. From. Hava Arıtan explains that the youngest child can develop different ways for himself to have a special role to play that other siblings have not tried. If the number of siblings is more than two, the second and third children can become the middle child. Saying that the middle child can often feel crushed in between, Psk. From. Arıtan said, “Therefore, he may get into a self-pitying mood and become a problem child. If the rivalry between siblings is great, the middle sibling can also play the role of mediator in this confusion. If there is a fourth child in the family, the second child may feel like a middle sibling. In this way, the third child can be more docile and more social. Rivalry between siblings is actually normal and healthy, although it sometimes puts parents in a difficult position. The rivalry between siblings also determines what place they will occupy in the worldly life. Siblings gain a certain lifestyle in this competition. They carry this style into their adult lives as well. That's why parents need to be careful," she says.

One of the experts at DoktorTakvimi.com, Psk. From. Hava Arıtan lists the duties of parents as follows:

• Children should not be compared with each other. For example; “How well your brother is doing. Why can't you do it?" Such sentences should not be formed. Every child has unique abilities and achievements. In such cases, praise must be given.
• Make sure that each child has their own space and enough time. It should always be asked before sharing toys and personal belongings.
• Siblings should be shown how to approach each other.
• Every child has their own identity. Do not tag them.
• Encourage cooperation.
• Being fair is important. Each of them should be made to feel special.
• Children should have a good time together. When they experience conflict, these times act as protectors. Sharing good memories together makes it easier to find solutions.
• It is important that parents regularly spend one-on-one time with each child.
• Feelings and thoughts about your family life should be listened to.
• If there are dangerous fights, the family must intervene. Talk about what happens when they calm down.