Since we met the coronavirus, serious changes have occurred in our lives. Our daily routines have changed. Our couple relationships also got their share from the change brought about by this traumatic process. Many companies allowed their employees to work from home. Working from home or quarantine periods allowed couples to spend more time with each other in the same environment, which was a single problem. So, what should couples do to overcome the pandemic process successfully? Expert Psychologist / Couple and Family Therapist İnci Canoğulları from DBE Institute of Behavioral Sciences explains.
Pandemic is a difficult process for everyone. It deeply affected what we know in many subjects, from our daily life to business life. With the quarantine periods or the transition of institutions and organizations to the working from home model, the couples started to spend more time with each other. From time to time this increased time spent together has become a problem in itself.
Although the Covid-19 outbreak affects couples in different ways, there is a common fact for everyone, which is that this process is traumatic. One of the most important resources in coping with trauma is the relationships between couples. In this process, the support of the partners to each other and therefore the strong relationship between the couples can make it easier to cope with the trauma. So how?
İnci Canoğulları, an Expert Psychologist / Couple and Family Therapist from DBE Behavioral Sciences Institute, draws attention to the difficulty of the process for both parties. Canoğulları; “Trauma is a very heavy burden for the individual. Couples can carry this burden together. But we must not forget that the load is still the same load. The fact that two people carry the burden does not mean that that burden disappears or decreases, it means that the part of both parties that has their share and has to carry decreases. Because when we are two people, our forces join. We can heal each other's wounds and provide physical and emotional support. Sometimes knowing that someone is just there when we need it is quite effective on its own. These make the weight of that load less felt. Thus, we can continue on our way by getting stronger. Because we have to continue, the road is a long way, ”he says.
Every partner should feel heard ...
Canoğulları said, "When we are not heard, we get angry to make our voices heard"; “Walking this path together gives couples a common goal. However, although the goal is common, sometimes there may be differences of opinion among the partners on how to walk the road. In such situations, partners should listen to each other and comment without accusing, insulting or insulting. It is important to remember that goals are common and to remind them when necessary. Both parties need to be able to share their thoughts, ideas and feel heard by their partner. Unless we can make our voices heard, our grudge increases. This can be reflected on the other party as hatred, anger, humiliation and sometimes physical violence. Especially while we are going through such difficult times, living them will make our burden even heavier instead of lightening it ”he says.
One of the couples may be more affected ...
İnci Canoğulları pointed out that one of the partners may be affected more than the other due to past traumas, a history of illness in the family or losses; “One couple may have been more affected than the other. She may feel more helpless, more anxious, and thus unable to think rationally, and her panic behavior may increase. There are many reasons for this. In such situations, couples may try to understand their behavior and ask what their needs are, instead of finding their behavior ridiculous, funny, childish, and minimizing their anxiety. When anxiety increases, resources owned in pairs can be put into use. "Looking at photos and videos together and remembering those days will make you feel those positive emotions for a while."
The need to be alone should be provided within the bounds of possibility ...
Stating that couples may need to be alone from time to time, Canoğulları said; “When there is a need to be alone, it is also very important to be able to provide this, if possible. Just because one couple wants to be alone in a room for a while doesn't mean that they are bored with the other or that they no longer want to be with them. At such times, partners should respect each other's needs and remind themselves that this is normal, without having negative thoughts like not loving me or not caring about me. Although it seems like it will never pass at the moment, this is a temporary situation and these days will end. "Remembering how you coped with this process with your partner in the future and even having stories to laugh together will show you how strong your relationship is."